God is the strength of my heart....forever

If I wrote the script for a soap opera and described all the things that have taken place in our family over the last couple of months, the network executives would think it was too unbelievable to put on television. It might actually make a good reality show. But it is true life for us right now. God knows all that has taken place and He will sustain us. His mighty arms of comfort and power have held us up for many weeks now and it is wonderful to know that His arms do not tire. He is as strong today as He will be 25 years from now.

Mark and I had a wonderful time of rest and relaxation during our trip to Indiana. I got a great deal of physical and emotional rest. As we drove home it felt quite odd. I almost felt guilty for having such peace about my father's death. The Lord's comfort was amazing. Mark did a fabulous job of allowing me time to recoup and his tenderness toward me was such a blessing. I felt so loved. He even bought me new clothes, something he enjoys doing. I am thankful for my husband. He is far more tender hearted than he wants anyone to know.

Angie was in the hospital twice this past weekend with premature labor. Making a long story short, she is doing well. Still contracting but pretty mild now. Andrea flew out the Virginia to stay with Angie and Jeremy until the baby comes. They are both exhausted and in need of help with the kids and the house. Mark and I have tried to get Andrea to get a full time job, but this is one of those times where working part time has made her available to serve our family and our church family. God knew people would need her. The doctors think the baby will arrive in the next couple of weeks. Angie is only 34 weeks along. The baby looks good and we are praying for a safe delivery.

Just a few days after returning home, a lady from our church brought me a planter from our Home Fellowship Group. We had a great chat as she expressed love and concern for my family. As we stood by the door saying our goodbyes the phone began to ring. Mark answered and I told Pam thank you and closed the door. Mark came around the corner and said "You need to call your Mom". I know something was up.

My oldest sister had been in Guatemala and upon her return on Monday was told that her grandson had drowned in the flood water of Ohio. Chancelor we just 12 years old. He fell into a drain and was swept away. He body was recovered later in a field down the road. My heart just sank. Many things ran through my mind. But foremost, was the question what is God trying to teach us through this time of many trials? What is it Lord, that we are not learning?

As I made phone calls to my other sisters to find out the details God once again brought that peace that passes all understanding. We may never know why all these things are happening to our family but I do know that God is faithful. He loves us and cares for us and He knows exactly what is happening. Our job is to trust in Him. To rest in the reassurance that nothing happens to us without first going through His hands. To bring glory to His name.

I am flying to Ohio on Thursday (thanks to some very generous friends)for the funeral and to see my sisters and my nephew. I don't know what I will say but I am praying that God will use me to convey His love for my extented family. I pray that they will see only Christ through me. I pray God will be glorified with my behavior.

Please pray for Avis (my sister) Jamie (Chancelor's father)and for the rest of their family. They need to experience the Lord's comfort and His sustaining power.

Psalm 73:21-26,28
Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with your counsel and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. but is is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, That I may declare all your works.

Walking in His Sufficiency

Yesterday was a difficult day as emotions were running high in my family. The staff has graciously given me some time off for which I am so very thankful. It is really hard for me to stay out of the office. Serving the Lord by serving His people is my hearts passion. My church family is my family. We rejoice together and cry together. We care for one another in a way that is indiscribable. To be away from them is a struggle for me.

I told someone on Monday that I know how to help someone through greif but I don't know how to do it when it is me. It has been a long time since I greived the loss of a loved one. It feels frustrating and lonely at times. My friend Doug said it best in his blog (I will paraphrase) "The people in our lives fill a specific space. When they are gone we suddenly feel the vacancy of the space they occupied." Dad had a specific space in my life and the lives of my children. Now the space is empty and barren. A space that can only be filled by the love and comfort of God.

It feels awkward to be walking in this place of greif. Awkward for me to be the 'comfortee' instead of the 'comforter'. But as I read yesterday during my devotion time, the refreshing river of God's grace flows full and free. Both in summer and winter. Good times and bad. His grace is sufficient in all things at all times. I pray I walk in His grace. Not in my strength but in His. I pray my witness of His sufficiency in my life is clear and evident to my lost family. I pray they see not only my greif but the comfort of my Lord.

Trusting Still More....

There are times in everyone's lives when you just feel like you have had about enough and wish that the Lord would provide the rest that you so desperately need. This week has been one of those times. The trials continue to come in waves and the Lord's amazing grace continues to sustain.

Since the last post, Angie has had a bout with her gall bladder and for a day or two we thought she would be having surgery. The scare has passed and she is actually doing well for now. God has kept his hand of protection on her and Luke. We are so thankful! I have been struggling with a bad cold that has come on very quickly and decided to stay around.

But Monday brought one of those phone calls you don't want to get. You know as soon as you hear your mom say, "Cindy, It's Mom." you know something is up. And then the words came through the phone, "It's your Dad. He had a heart attack this morning." "Is he gone?" "yes." We have known for years that Dad was living on borrowed time. His heart was in really bad shape. The Lord has given us about 8 years more than we thought we would have. He is so good!

Death is always surprising. Always painful to those left behind. Once the shock is gone and the pain begins to subside we see the love of the Lord in it all. There is never a time in our lives that we need to fell loved and cared for more than when we are grieving. Our hearts are raw and bleeding. God's soothing balm of comfort is applied with His gentle hand. His peace envelopes us like a warm blanket of comfort and brings sweet rest. The love of God is sufficient for every outburst of tears, for every pain of the heart, for every moment of loneliness. He is truly all we need.

God's sovereignty still reigns. His love is still complete. His grace is still sufficient. His salvation is still available. Though my life has changed, He has not. This time of trial is yet more opportunity to strengthen my faith, walk closer to Him and experience his love and care.

Please pray for my family, especially for my stepmother, Penny. Pray that the Lord would reveal His comfort and love to her. May she see that Christ is all she needs.

A Time for Trust

It seems that the Lord has given us about 17 months of smooth sailing in the area of health issues. Now we are in the midst of trusting Him once again. Mark was diagnosed as being borderline diabetic just a couple of weeks before my gall bladder surgery. At the same time, his father had a mass on his prostate.

Since my surgery Andrew was in ICU with a pulmonary ambilus. (blood clots in his left lung). A potentially deadly condition. We were on pins and needles for a few days. Praying fervently for our son's life. Though now at home he is still not completely out of the woods. Not all the test results are in and the doctors still don't know why he has this problem at his age (26). Andrew is still not back to work full time and it may be a little while yet before he is. Each little task wears him out. It is going to take time to get him back to normal and he may be on blood thinners the rest of his life.

Today Angie called to say her doctors are quite concerned about her pregnancy. She has gestational diabetes and hypertension during her pregnancies and with each one it has gotten worse. Luke is not due to arrive until August 26. But then Angie never goes full term. She has been experiencing contractions, swelling and all the uncomfortable things that go with having a baby. She has very good doctors for which I am thankful. Her OB has walked with road with her before and is concerned about her condition. He is fearful that she will have preterm labor. Her blood pressure is high, blood sugars low and swelling by the minute it seems. Her endocrinologist has decreased her insulin trying to help her feel better. Now Angie will be seeing a third doctor, a perionatalogist to determine if her placenta is deteriorating like it did with Kylie.

We have learned that only God knows the condition of precious babies inside the womb. After all, the doctors told us Kylie would need open heart surgery to save her life, may not be able to walk because it appeared her thigh bones were too short and that she looked as though she had Downs Syndrome. If you know Kylie you know none of these things are true. God gave us a precious little girl. Just 5lbs of fight and energy. She fought her way to health and is now a little girl with spunk!

This has all made we remember that years ago we gave our children to the Lord. We dedicated them to Him. Promising to teach them the ways of the Lord and to lead them to a relationship with Him. Do we think for a moment that He has abandoned them in their adulthood? NEVER! Our God has seen us through much tougher times that these. Trials only prove to strengthen our faith and dependence on His sovereignty. Our babies are not our own whether tiny or grown. His grace is not dependant on the size of the recipient. And we are thankful!

So we trust on. We pray and we wait to experience once again the graciousness of our loving God. Our family will stand firm in His faithfulness to us. We may waiver, He will not.

Our New Addition

Mark's Birthday was last week and I really wanted to surprise him. In 23 years of marriage there have only been about 3 or 4 gifts that were actual surprises to him. He ALWAYS figures it out. But this year was one of the rare exception. Our family had a cat for nearly 20 years. We had to put her to sleep a few years ago. So when the Kaperaks had lots of baby kittens I thought "This is it!" This little guy is remarkably like our old cat.

So meet our new little member of the family. Mark is toying with the name Bruno however, that is not the official name just yet.

P.S. If any of you desire a kitten...Contact Martha. They have lots to choose from.

The Unexpected

When we plan our days, we don't even thing about what God has planned for the day. So often we just do what we do and don't give it a thought. God interupted my plans this past week. Monday I woke up with a stomach cramp. Sort of like I had done too many situps the night before. But of course, that was not the problem. I completely chaulked it up to the fact that I had a really good laugh on Sunday and apparently it was "a really good laugh". Enough to leave a lasting affect. Tuesday it was a little better but Wednesday was worse. Thursday with in minutes after getting up, I realized the discomfort was significantly worse. I called Mark and of course he suggested I call the doctor. Something I tend to put off when it is about me. But I did and within two hours I was at the doctor's office. They did my usual blood work and scheduled me for a abdominal scan on Friday morning, suspecting my gall bladder. I went back to work and did not think much more about is. The guys at work thought I should go home, but as Mark says, I am a tough old bird and can tolerate a lot of pain.

As the day went on, the discomfort increased and my appitite was gone. I made preparations to out of the office the following week "just in case". Cristy was on call, Cea stopped by for her list of errands and projects and things were ready to go. About 6pm I grabbed my purse, locked the office door and headed to the main church building to tell Mike I thought I better go home. As I walked across the drive the pain increased with each step and suddenly I realized I had gone too far and it was too late to go back to the office. I would make it to the gym. Just as I got in the door I was gripped with pain like I had never felt before. I leaned on the stacked chairs by the door and did some deep breathing trying hard to relax, hoping the pain would subside. It did not. I knew I was in trouble. I dug through my purse called home and through the tears I told Andrea to get Mark and come get me. I stood there another minute or so and realized I could not stand much longer. I called Mike who was upstairs having Worship practice. He and Steve came running to the rescue of this old damsel in distress. They were so sweet and gentle. Once I was seated there was no getting up.

Mark and Andrea soon arrived and after a difficult walk to the car we headed to Williamson Medical Center. I am not one for meds but I was very happy to get the IV started and get the pain meds going! Releif came quickly. Following an ultra sound it was conclusive. The gall bladder had to go. Doctor appointment the next morning, Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.

Surgery is over now and the Lord has been faithful. I usually have great difficulty coming out of anesthesia and spend much time in bed. But I am on my feet with minimal meds. He is so good to me. Mark has been wonderful! He gets everything I need and is very patient. The kitchen is cleaner than it has been in a couple of weeks! Not a dirty dish in sight! Andrea is staying with me during the day. She is great company and is at my call with no complaints.

Martha, Cea and many others have sent meals, prayers and calls. Such blessings to me. Such great friends. I feel so loved. So blessed. God is good and is providing for all my needs. I am looking forward to getting back to normal and back at church. But for now, I am enjoying the time of rest God has given me.

Another High Dive Experience

I have been asked recently to do a Bible Study with some young moms. To teach them the practical side of being a godly wife and mother. The day to day application of it all. Frankly this terrifies me. Who am I to teach others how to do my job? I mess it up daily. But after all, I have been praying that the Lord would stretch me and use me for his glory. Recently at our Women's Retreat we studied the Titus 2 passage on this subject. I had not really grasped the concept that I am now a member of the "older women" group. The Lord showed me ready or not, I am in the group. Are we not all older than someone else in our church? Although it is said that the Bible refers to women approximately 60 years of age, are we to wait until we are 60 to teach others the things the Lord has taught us? Are we to sit back and watch them struggle until we turn 60? I hardly think so.

In a few weeks I will be jumping off another "high dive" in my life and meet with these dear mothers/wives and begin to pour my limited knowledge out to them. Mistakes and all. I had been praying about meeting with these very women and as God would plan, they came to me and asked that I teach them. God does have a plan!

I pray the Lord will use me to accomplish what He wills. It is not that I am "older and wiser" as sometimes "older" creeps up all by itself. But I am learning to trust Him. To put myself out there and be willing to do whatever He asks and leave the rest to Him.

I encourage you to take faith by the hand and jump off the "high dive" of your life. See what the Lord can accomplish with a willing heart.