Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Putting It In Perspective

It has taken some time to get my mind back in Nashville and I am not sure that all of it has arrived. Conversations about our trip to Beirut continue to help with putting all the pieces into perspective. I really thought I would return and be thrilled to be home but it just was not so. The transition time took me by surprise. I just could not get passed the heartache of feeling that I had not accomplished enough while there. Like there was something I left undone. The odd thing is, I can't figure out what it was.

When we began planning the trip it was very easy to get caught up in the preparations. I love to work hard for the benefit of others and when the trip seemed so easy it was hard for me to think I had accomplished anything for the Lord. The hosts in Beirut had everything planned out and our accomodations where wonderful. It was so easy to be comfortable. I know, I have already been told that I am weird, but I was disappointed that the work was not harder. I had myself geared up to work from sun up to sun down. When it did not happen I was out of my comfort zone and felt awkward. I had focused on myself and all the things I "could" be doing. Completely forgot about the things God wanted me to do. Once again my agenda became important. Once again I made this way too hard.

The godly counsel from this office is such a blessing in my life. Doug and Byron talked me through this struggle. Helped me to see that I was obedient to the Lord in my willingness to serve but I must leave the increase to Him. His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts. After all, it is not my agenda we should be concerned about, it is His.

I can honestly say it is good to be back in the groove. To worship with the fellow saints at church this past Sunday seemed sweeter. We had staff meeting today and that really helped to make things normal. I love this body of Christ. They are my family. But I will still be looking forward to returning to Beirut, Lord willing, and continuing the relationships that were started. My heart is still in Beirut.

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